Are we raising a generation of narcissists?

I recently came across a report published in a psychology journal that indicates what many parents might already suspect – young people today appear to have more narcissistic traits than generations before them.

It’s a finding that is not that hard to believe if you take a peek at an average teenager or young adult’s Facebook or Instagram account.

But if such behaviour is evident in kids is it cause for alarm or just age appropriate goings-on?

Okay so children today are more prone to take “selfies” when they are doing any and everything. But to be fair in the ‘70s, ‘80s and even the ‘90s (when most of the parents of these kids grew up) I don’t think the term selfie had even been coined (nor was there a smart phone in sight!).

Technology has definitely changed things. Young online entrepreneurs and designers of smart phone apps making huge sums, along with You Tube instant ‘celebrities’, has made fame and success more accessible - and perhaps because of this more desirable than in the past.  

But as a parent it’s the thought that kids are missing out due to self-focused behaviour - more than the finding that young people in the US are increasingly scoring higher on the Narcissism Personality Inventory (NPI) - that keeps me awake at night.

I want my children to live their life rather than spend all their time documenting every single aspect for public consumption. So how do I - or any parent, tell if a child’s behaviour is normal, narcissistic or just plain self-confident? Try the NPI quizz

But even if a child scores highly (above 20) this alone is not necessarily cause for alarm.

Although parents might accuse children of thinking that the world revolves around them it takes a lot more than a tendency to want to look at one’s self to be classified with the more serious and chronic Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

The definition of NPD involves things like; “arrogant behaviour, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration - all of which must be consistently evident …people who are narcissistic are frequently described as cocky, self-centred, manipulative, and demanding.”

So if like many other young people children possess a few narcisstic traits it’s probably – despite all the negative press, not a bad thing. The flip side is low self-esteem and that is equally - if not more tricky to manage. So like many things the adage everything in moderation is apt.

Social media is a big part of young people’s lives but if we want to see kids’ NPI scores decrease or level off in the future perhaps a few domestic boundaries could apply when using it along with a few rules to guide everyday life? Things like:

Parents lead by example – if active on social media mums and dads should be very aware of their profiles and self-posting behaviour. 

Limit social media posts rel="noopener noreferrer" – put a cap on the number of posts a child can make per day or week if a child is over zealous on status updates or shots of themselves.

Focus on other – if a child is intent on documenting their life try to balance the need with focusing such energy on others and scenes around them even channel the desire into something like a photography course.

Encourage living in the now – place limits on when smart phones, tablets etc. can be used so children enjoy time free of technology as well as appreciate there is a time a place for such things i.e. not during dinner or at a special occasion.

Nurture humility – self-assurance is important but modesty is an equally desirable characteristic that parents can help cultivate in children from a young age.