I recently went to a seminar, Raising Happy Kids, given by a Sydney-based clinical psychologist and mum of five, Colleen Hirst. I expected the talk to provide a set of rules on how and how not to, bring up children – wrong, wrong, and wrong!
Colleen’s bottom-line message on the subject is - the way you, as a parent, live your life and who you are, is the most critical element in your child’s contentment.
But what does it this actually mean?
Kids watch and listen to their parents all the time, consciously and subconsciously searching for cues to guide their own behaviour – for better or worse. As primary caregivers, parents, with all the ensuing responsibility, can sometimes overlook how important it is to be an ideal role model and set the highest possible benchmark.
If it’s sounding a bit airy-fairy here’s a few practical examples that might kick off a little self-analysis. We measure performance at work and on the sporting field so why not apply a similar thinking to the role of mum and dad? It’s a pretty important job after all…
Get active
If you want to encourage your kids to be fit and healthy the best way to do so is to lead an active lifestyle yourself. Make exercise a part of your family’s routine from an early age and it becomes second nature, leave it too late or don’t practice what you preach and challenges may arise. The benefits of living an active life are endless so don’t make excuses, just do it.
Eat well
Don’t expect your children to eat the good stuff like fresh fruit, vegetables and lean meats if you don’t yourself! Double standards when it comes to what kids and parents eat are common, but it’s not setting the right example for your children to develop a positive long-term relationship with food. The basic mantra of treats like chocolate, chips and take away meals as “sometimes” food should apply in equal measures to mum, dad and junior family members. If you eat well yourself but are going through a particularly challenging time when it comes to food and kids, don’t give up hope. A regular supplement, like a kids’ multivitamin, may help make sure they are getting all the essential vitamins necessary for normal growth and development.
Cure “hurry sickness”
Speeding up of daily activities, intense multitasking, failure to say no and failure to prioritise is, according to psychologist Colleen Hirst, a situation many parents find themselves in. Unfortunately, the fast pace of today and varied demands on parents do not always bode well for children. Placing family time above all else and slowing down to give your kids more one-on-one time is the best ways to build self-confidence and worth.
Set boundaries
It may sound simple but setting rules and age-appropriate disciplinary measures - and sticking to them, is hard work. Teaching good habits through consequential learning is vital to positive behavioural outcomes as well as strengthening parent/child relationships. If no means no sometimes, but yes on other occasions, mum and dad can start to look a little flakey and half-truths may start to look acceptable!
Be the change
Helping others by volunteering your time occasionally is not only setting a great example but an ideal way to encourage selflessness and less materialistic traits in children. Taking up a cause and involving all family members, whether it be visiting an elderly neighbour or putting your hand up at a local soup kitchen can help kids, once old enough, understand it’s not about them – all the time.
Manage stress
Although parents have work, finance and family issues to contend with it’s important not to allow kids to take on such burdens. Parents need to be a safe place for children to land and (although easier said than done) mum and dad need to be mindful to deal with such stress separately. Children will, soon enough, grow to have their own pressures to deal with.
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