Libido lifters (the ‘he vs. she’ guide)
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Need to spice up your bedroom antics? We’ve got the ‘he vs. she’ guide to help you focus on what it is your partner really wants, writes Rosie Brogan.
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- Libido lifters (the ‘he vs. she’ guide)
Sure, there are some libido drivers that apply equally to both sexes - take a happy relationship and general good health, for example. But you’re probably less familiar with what author of Where Did My Libido Go?, Dr Rosie King, calls ‘gender-specific desire enhancers’.
What women want
“Much of our modern sexual behaviour was determined thousands of years ago,” she writes. “It was the cavewoman’s job to bear children and keep them safe… so she needed a man who would stick around long-term, help her bring up her babies and provide food, shelter and safety for all of them.”
Considering this evolutionary backdrop, it’s little surprise that female desire is sparked by the following qualities in men: kindness, commitment, attention, affection and loyalty.
King’s top female desire enhancers:
- Romantic gestures—flowers, gifts, love letters, poems, special songs, compliments, cards, dinner for two.
- Communication and conversation
- Intimacy—emotional closeness and mutual self-disclosure
- Affection that doesn’t necessarily lead to sex
- Quality time with her partner
- Low levels of conflict
- Household help (yep, a man with a mop!)—sharing the housework and the care of children.
What men want
“As for the caveman, he had a completely different agenda. In the interests of genetic diversity, he wanted to spread his genes about as much as possible, and as a consequence he was excited by the prospect of any sexually available, fertile woman responding to his approaches,” writes King. It follows then, she adds, that signs of fertility (vitality and a ‘glow’) and availability “instinctively gets a man going”.
King’s top female desire enhancers:
- Varied lovemaking
- Novelty
- Visual stimulation
- Spontaneity
- Feelings of sexual prowess (reinforcement that he’s a good lover)
- A sexually responsive and enthusiastic partner
FYI
As King says: “Unfortunately, some men and women are not aware of these differing gender preferences in enhancers. When a man wants to turn a woman on, he may instead provide what works for him: hot and steamy male enhancers. And, vice versa, when she wants to light his fire, she might look to romance rather than anything overtly sexy.”
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